Rule 14: Stop buying music

I know.

I know how excited you are about the warehouse sale, or the upcoming Ascension service.
I'm aware of how you really wished you had X piece during Easter/Lent.
I get that you have a new instrumentalist and now need music to match.

But at some point you have to stop. And wait for the next binge music order.

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Why I don't like church

The elephant in the room... So I've written about this subject before . As it turns out, I could probably write an entire book about why church is so hard when your father dies. There are so many reasons. Pretty much everything about it is ruined. So we will start with the elephant in the room. Part of why church is hard is because interacting with my church family is really hard. Why? The elephant in the room. Church is awkward. Every interaction since he died (and even while he was sick) puts the burden on me. "How are you?" Do I bring it up? Do I keep bringing it up? Do I ignore the grief thing and just say I'm great? How do I answer this question? It's a catch 22. If I keep bringing up the grief, people are likely to grow distant. Grief is a hard burden to watch someone else go through. You can only go through so much. Heck, I can only go through so much. Only I don't have a choice in the matter... If I did, I'd take a break too. So, if...

Why I don't like church...

It's a family thing. Worship is a family thing. In the rest of my life I might be independent, but when I enter the church, I become part of a family. My dad was the rock, the spiritual head of that family. It doesn't matter if you're 4, 14, or 24, worshipping together as a family is a tremendous blessing from God. Having a father who is a strong leader for your family is exactly how God designed marriage and family. And he's not there. He's gone. And even though he reared me to be a strong Christian woman, I'm weaker without him. Because I've lost my spiritual head. I've lost an important role God gives us fathers to fill. A role that is normally replaced with a husband, and not an empty void. Beyond the immediate family thing, the church itself is a family of believers. It's a family thing for everyone. Losing part of that family changes the dynamic. Church friends knew us as a family. Relationships are built to a degree not between indiv...

Rule 17: Don't play chicken with yourself

Playing chicken with yourself looks like this: *Looks at hymn list. Doesn't know what to play for pre-service.* "I'll figure that out later." And repeat, hoping that you eventually cave before the oncoming train of Sunday morning hits. I also call this: Playing for church in the summer when it's all "general" music and your brain is on summer break and used all the creativity in the festival season. See also: laziness, procrastination

True confessions

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