True confessions

There's a common expression: "the final nail in the coffin." It means the end of something, right? To use another idiom, the final nail in the coffin is also "the last straw." Well a coworker aptly said that seeing the name on the grave marker is the true "final nail in the coffin." There are a lot of final nails in the coffin for grief. Watching your father take his last breath, seeing his body carted out of the house, seeing him lying in the coffin, seeing the coffin carried out of the hearse and to his final resting place are all "nails in the coffin." But nothing is quite the unexpected sucker punch to the gut that getting this photo emailed to you is. I'd change the idiom if I could, from "nail in the coffin" to "name on the gravestone." Seeing your father's name carved in stone- his gravestone - brings about a finality like nothing else. His body is no longer hidden away in the ground. His death...

... that you didn't pull the second page of the hymn out of the hymn box. And didn't realize it until you were halfway through your introduction... You can fix this. Just keep playing. With strength and flexibility y ou previously didn't know you had ,  reach your left hand across your body to grab the hymnal that you foolishly put just out of reach of the piano (to reduce clutter on the piano) and open it to the right page as fast as you can. Throw in a little ritard and you'll be good to go. Nobody needs to know. * Don't try this at home ** Refer to Rule 10 and 10c. #discountdoublecheck

There's a fun fact about this rule. No matter how many times you break it, you'll never learn. You'll get comfortable and forget to check which parts of the liturgy are actually in the bulletin. If you're lucky, your pastor will ask to do a quick run-through, and will point out all the missing lines you would have just played. But you won't always be #blessed like that. So just Double Check.

When you show up to church and there's a trumpet set up next to the piano, just roll with it. Even if you had no idea there would be an instrumentalist.

It doesn't matter if you brought a different book for each piece you are playing throughout the service. It's going to happen. The pastor is going to say something in his sermon that very directly ties into a song for which you didn't bring music. A song you know you have in that one book. You might drive back to your house between services to get it. You might write the entire service off as a missed opportunity. You might just pull out the hymnal and improvise on a wing and a prayer during the offertory. There is no cure for wanting that one book.... (Unless you live across the street and can send a gopher to get it for you.)

Anger is a natural part of grief. It's one of the 5 stages, so it truly is to be expected when your father dies. And in some ways, it's the easiest one with which to cope. Grief is exhausting. Anger comes with energy. Depression makes it so you can barely get out of bed in the morning- anger shoves you out of bed to go destroy the world.  Sadness and pain cripple you- anger lands you back on your feet ready to lash out. Denial keeps you away from church because you don't want to face the realities of death and salvation and life- anger drives you to church so you can go give God a piece of your mind. Acceptance is a far-off seemingly unrealistic concept- anger is familiar and real.  Point is, anger is a functional emotion. It is a motivating, energizing, driving force. People easily go through life every day while simmering with anger, without any grief.  So when you're crippled by pain and sadness and sick of numbing depression, anger is a safe place to go....

I said it pays to double-check the bulletin... But it also pays to double-check your music. Do you have all the pages printed? Are you missing page 3 of 4? Did you accidentally not pull out page 50 of your printed off copy of the New Morning Praise setting, meaning you don't have the Prayer for Grace and following responses in front of you when you get to that point of the service?