The elephant in the room...
So I've written about this subject before. As it turns out, I could probably write an entire book about why church is so hard when your father dies.
There are so many reasons. Pretty much everything about it is ruined.
So we will start with the elephant in the room.
Part of why church is hard is because interacting with my church family is really hard.
Why? The elephant in the room.
Church is awkward. Every interaction since he died (and even while he was sick) puts the burden on me. "How are you?"
Do I bring it up? Do I keep bringing it up? Do I ignore the grief thing and just say I'm great? How do I answer this question?
It's a catch 22. If I keep bringing up the grief, people are likely to grow distant. Grief is a hard burden to watch someone else go through. You can only go through so much. Heck, I can only go through so much. Only I don't have a choice in the matter... If I did, I'd take a break too.
So, if I keep bringing up the grief thing, people begin to tire of it. This is understandable. It's frustrating. What can they do to help? What can they say that they haven't already said? It's depressing. Grief is a cloud that sucks the energy out of a conversation really quickly. It's also worrisome. Does she need to start moving on? It seems like it's consuming her life... She needs to focus on other things.
The other alternative is to ignore it. To say, "I'm doing great!" and talk about other things. This is where the catch 22 comes in. If I keep bringing it up, that can push people away. If I pretend, it pushes me away. Talking about the rest of life as if there is no elephant in the room is isolating. Grief is my life. Is it my whole life? No. But there isn't a part of my life that grief hasn't infiltrated. There's no escape, no break, no setting it aside. It's there.
Can't go under it; can't go over it; can't go around it. I have to go through it. (Yes. You read that correctly. Grief is like going on a bear hunt to catch a big one when you're not scared...)
In brief conversations with people between services, I pretty much have to make a snap decision. Talk about it, or don't. There isn't much in between. Trying to make these decisions conversation after conversation, Sunday after Sunday is draining.
It's easy to see this same awkward decision-making process on the other side of the conversation. Do I bring it up? Does she want to talk about something else? I don't want to make her sad...
Natural conversations become awkward for everyone. The elephant in the room tramples over the joy of fellowship.
So I've written about this subject before. As it turns out, I could probably write an entire book about why church is so hard when your father dies.
There are so many reasons. Pretty much everything about it is ruined.
So we will start with the elephant in the room.
Part of why church is hard is because interacting with my church family is really hard.
Why? The elephant in the room.
Church is awkward. Every interaction since he died (and even while he was sick) puts the burden on me. "How are you?"
Do I bring it up? Do I keep bringing it up? Do I ignore the grief thing and just say I'm great? How do I answer this question?
It's a catch 22. If I keep bringing up the grief, people are likely to grow distant. Grief is a hard burden to watch someone else go through. You can only go through so much. Heck, I can only go through so much. Only I don't have a choice in the matter... If I did, I'd take a break too.
So, if I keep bringing up the grief thing, people begin to tire of it. This is understandable. It's frustrating. What can they do to help? What can they say that they haven't already said? It's depressing. Grief is a cloud that sucks the energy out of a conversation really quickly. It's also worrisome. Does she need to start moving on? It seems like it's consuming her life... She needs to focus on other things.
The other alternative is to ignore it. To say, "I'm doing great!" and talk about other things. This is where the catch 22 comes in. If I keep bringing it up, that can push people away. If I pretend, it pushes me away. Talking about the rest of life as if there is no elephant in the room is isolating. Grief is my life. Is it my whole life? No. But there isn't a part of my life that grief hasn't infiltrated. There's no escape, no break, no setting it aside. It's there.
Can't go under it; can't go over it; can't go around it. I have to go through it. (Yes. You read that correctly. Grief is like going on a bear hunt to catch a big one when you're not scared...)
In brief conversations with people between services, I pretty much have to make a snap decision. Talk about it, or don't. There isn't much in between. Trying to make these decisions conversation after conversation, Sunday after Sunday is draining.
It's easy to see this same awkward decision-making process on the other side of the conversation. Do I bring it up? Does she want to talk about something else? I don't want to make her sad...
Natural conversations become awkward for everyone. The elephant in the room tramples over the joy of fellowship.
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